hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
