Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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