I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize