Do you still have your period?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
