Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
