it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
