I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
