id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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