Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
