haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
