i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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