So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
