I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Damn victory sex feels great
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
