I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
