You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
