I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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