highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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