Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
