i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need a burrito and a hug.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
