....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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