Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
