I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
