She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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