R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
