He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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