You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize