I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
