this beer tastes like vomit already
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's shark week go big or go home
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
