Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
