do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
