if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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