people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
