a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
