I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
