My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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