i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
