THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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