Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why do cheetos always look like penises
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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