I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I stole a fireplace last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
