I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize