i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
