You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
