That's intense
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
