Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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