I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
