You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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