Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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