so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize