I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
