we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
