I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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