I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
