The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
