I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
