bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
