Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
