i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my fart just growled at me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
