lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
