Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
