It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
