is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
