dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
