Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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