o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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