dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
