Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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