what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
