you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you never un-have a 4some
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
